If you are one of my newsletter subscribers, bear with me as I repeat myself a little here with some background. Just skip the next paragraph to get into the identifying idols portion of this blog.
Every year, my church offers an eight-month intensive study called Becoming a Wholehearted Disciple. Every Thursday evening, for two hours, I get together with other believers and dive into God’s word with a large group message before breaking into my smaller group to work through our homework and what we’ve just heard. In this study we talk about the gospel, the theology of the heart, the Holy Spirit, Idols of the Heart, Our True Identity, and True Life in Christ. Since I process best by writing things out, I appreciate the many journal questions we have in our homework each week. We’ve just worked through the Idols of the Heart section, and the identifying idols chapter (which we stayed in for two weeks) was both fascinating and eye-opening, so that is where I’m going to start with this blog.
My idol is approval. How did I discover that was my idol? Well, it started with a few questions. In full transparency (which is one of the things I’m willing to sacrifice for my idol), I’m going to list those questions and include my answers.
- What is causing unrest in me? What keeps me up at night?
For me, it’s what others think of me. Do they notice how hard I work or when I’ve done something above and beyond my required duties? Side note: my love language is words of affirmation, which I think correlates with my desire for approval. Also, isn’t it funny that being an author has an element of approval all its own. Will people like my books? Will they leave a good review? Will they like this book enough to purchase the next one?
2. What do I think I deserve that if I don’t get it will lead to anger?
I deserve to be heard and if I’m not heard, I will take every opportunity to state my opinion. Here’s a good example of that. Before the world shut down in 2020, my department worked remote 4 days every week. Then we were told to just work from home until told otherwise. Well, January of 2022, we were all told to come back to the office, and we would have to be there 3 days every week. You can imagine that did not go over well. After a month of us being back at the office, we were sent a survey to see how things were going, and I didn’t put one positive insight in my survey. In fact, I was so angry about it, I took the survey a second time to say more about why this was a horrible idea and how we weren’t doing this in the first place.
But here’s the truth: It was nice to be around people again. I’ve been with this company for almost 23 years and many of my co-workers are great friends. It was nice to get out of the house again, too. But instead of focusing on those things, I grumbled, complained, and gossiped. Praise the Lord that He is a generous and forgiving God!
3. What am I willing to sacrifice my integrity over in order to get what I want?
This question was one a few of the ladies in my small group struggled to answer, but mine came quickly. What am I willing to sacrifice? Transparency. If people know how much I question myself or how often I procrastinate when I should be writing/editing/marketing/or any other tedious task, they will think less of me. They won’t respect me as much and on and on the excuses go.
Do you know what transparency is costing me? It’s costing me authentic, deep relationships with people because I’m not letting them see my truest self. My pastors use the illustration of an iceberg a lot. Above the surface of the water, we see 10% of the iceberg, but there is a massive amount of the thing we don’t see under the water. When I’m sacrificing transparency, I’m only letting people see that 10%.
4. What do I worry about the most? What causes the greatest fear or anxiety?
My answer to this is two-fold and plays into my second idol (which is comfort), too. I worry about messing up. What happens if I do something so wrong at work, I lose my job and can’t pay for my home or food? What if I make a mistake and cost the company money because of it?
There are a few other questions that we journaled, but to respect your time, I’m not going to delve into my answers here. What makes me feel the greatest sense of self-worth? Where do I seek comfort? What do I turn to in hopes of numbing pain? Where do I seek acceptance or where do I seek to avoid being rejected or failing?
Ok, have you got your answers? Are you still wondering what your idol might be? This may help:
| Power | Approval | Security/Control | Comfort |
| · Has to be in a position of power
· Is demanding · Wants final decision · Thwarts other leaders · Has bursts of anger |
· Takes criticism and failure badly
· Finds it hard to relax · Is proud or envious of others · Desires inclusion · Craves recognition |
· Is overbearing
· Is flexible · Is impatient · Is irresponsible · Hides weaknesses |
· Feels ministry is a burden
· Often complains · Makes people feel a burden of duty · Lacks joy · Has inconsistent moods |
| God is glorious, so I don’t have to produce results | God is gracious, so I don’t have to prove myself | God is great, so I don’t have to be in control | God is good, so I don’t have to look elsewhere for comfort, peace, and fulfillment |
Chart adapted from Gospel Coach by Scott Thomas and Tom Wood. Another great resource for digging into your modern-day idols is Gospel in Life: Grace Changes Everything by Timothy Keller.
I’m going to wrap this up with one more question: How is this idol bankrupt, promising what it can’t deliver?
Later this week, I’ll share my answer to that as well as my thoughts on gaining freedom from these idols.
I would love to hear from you. On the chart, did one idol stand out more than others to you? Are you still wondering what your idol(s) is/are? Personally, I had at least one check mark in every one of those idols in the chart.
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